Archive for April, 2011

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Spring flinging

April 15, 2011

So, ecstacy over here. I don’t give a damn that it snowed last night, it’s so obviously spring. Whatever winter, have your last kick at the can, there’s nothing you can do at this point. It’s happening. I’ve seen pussywillows. Colour me full of yeehaw and stuff.

This blog has turned into a bit of a reminder of how much I don’t write these days and it’s starting to mess up my head a bit.  The intention is there, as per usual, but along with the as per usual thing, comes the seeming lack of discipline. I end up in a head place where I’m convinced that maybe I don’t have what it takes to continue and then I go back to read previous postings, coming away with a sense of how awesome I can be in moments. I want those moments to stretch out, to encompass the all, rather than the seldom. I suppose that’s the case with most everyone though. Pockets of awesome wrapped in too tight jeans of mediocre. Or at least comfy pants of mostly good.

On a happy writer note, for my birthday my sis paid for a travel writer’s course that I’ve been eyeing up  for quite a while. What could be better than being committed to writing and travelling???  Getting paid to do both!

Speaking of getting paid, I’m actually at work right now…there’s that everyday existence thing getting in the way again…or at least enabling the away from the everyday….back to it!

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Activity

April 6, 2011

I saw that movie about dolphin slaughter, The Cove and wow did it affect me. I knew that it would. I actually saw it by accident. It’s not a movie I would have sought out, knowing myself as I do. It’s the same reason I have yet to watch Earthlings.

(If you do click on the earthlings link, be careful, the trailer will start immediately and it shows stuff that will make you weep if you have any semblance of a heart. )

I often get angry at myself after I’m shown things like this. This kind of stuff is happening all the time and I do my best to not see it. I honestly do. Even if I wasn’t many levels of a soft touch when it comes to non-human animals, I have this photographic memory for images (which is one of the traits that suggests to me that I have some degree of autism, but more on that later) and there is no way I would ever be able to forget what I had seen. Ergo, images of cruelty are not something I seek out.

However, every so often I come across such things. Whether it be at a film festival or in a hotel room late at night in the middle of a blizzard while driving across country. So now it’s there. I can’t ignore the fact that it exists. I can’t go back to being the person I was before I knew about it.

So what does one do? The initial response is often to search online for things one can do to help. And yes, there are plenty of petitions to sign, save the whales, save the dolphins, stop the seal hunt, etc. Protect these beings who are being slaughtered for no good reason at all from ignorance and cruelty. Besides Norway, Iceland and Japan, there are no countries on earth that really consume whale meat to any great degree. Even there it’s falling off as people realize just how toxic the levels of mercury in the meat are. But still, it goes on. For what reason? Tradition? There was a time when it was traditional to throw one’s chamber pot into the middle of the street. It was stupidity and it stopped. Pest control? Does anyone really buy the notion that fish stocks are declining because it’s whales and dolphins who are consuming excessively? It strikes me that there is a whole lot of self-imposed blindness happening. With me, just as much as with lots of other people.

Ok, so I wanna do something. Beyond signing a petition, beyond making phone calls  to disinterested house wives, beyond handing out pamphlets to apathetic humans living in comfort and absence of concience. It’s way difficult to feel passionate about something so far removed from one’s day to day. I understand that. And if one talked to them about it, they would probably feel like it was wrong. They aren’t the people who need to be convinced that there are other ways to make money.

I find most protesters ineffective and frustrating. Go to any earth day/save the…/aboriginal rights/insert worthwhile cause here rally and what will you find? A whole bunch of people who are already convinced that whatever cause they’re supporting is worthwhile.  A choir to preach to. I have left more earthday/whatever rallies more apathetic than when I came because nothing new has been said. Nothing innovative has been suggested. People are perfectly content to go along they way they were before, believing that true change isn’t really possible. How many people have changed their light bulbs and have a separate place for recycling their tin cans and feel like they’re really making a difference?

Recycling uses more energy than not recycling. Does that mean we should stop doing it? It seems we’re becoming far too apathetic with regards to changing the world. As if, since we’re obviously hurtling towards armageddon or the apocalypse or zombieland or whatever form the end of civilization takes, there’s not much point in continuing to pretend there’s something we can do to prevent it.

I seem to go through phases of apathy. I can always tell when they’re passing though because I start to look at volunteering with various organizations, mostly out of guilt that I don’t do as much as I feel I should. I found a new organization today that I’ve been checking out. Will this be the year I actually start to care enough that I attempt to affect positive change beyond my own backyard? Likely not if I manage to get a garden going on. If I’m in Tanzania building schools or in Nepal teaching 10 year old monks english, who will water my beets and sunflowers?  Maybe that’s the essence of affecting positive change. Grow something.

If only it would stop snowing. It’s difficult to feel passionate about gardening when there’s still snow on the ground.

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When I grow up…

April 6, 2011

I want to go to Matador U. Since my birthday is tomorrow, it seems that whole growing up thing is coming up pretty quick.. I’d better get on it!

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2 days!

April 5, 2011

Until my birthday! Peppermint tea and the Tiger Lillies on the stereo before I leave for work on a (finally!) sunny day! Damn, I think the sun disappeared as I wrote that.  Perhaps I was presumptuous with that statement.

Still feeling the topsy turvy twistyness of the night previous, what with my being torn between the presence of a new puppy in my life and the freedom to gallivant any time I damn well please, coupled with the desire to gallivant.  And I don’t know so much if it’s the commitment to someone that I dread. Maybe it’s been too soon since Auberon died.   Maybe I’m putting too much emphasis on being sure that I’m making the right decision instead of actually making one. That’s nothing new for me.

Maybe I should go outside while the sun is shining…..and so I will.

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Dreaming..

April 5, 2011

Of having it all. I’ve found a place that feels like home, one would think I’d then be satisfied. There’s still so much I want from life though, so many places I haven’t seen, beaches I haven’t surfed, friends I haven’t met, animals I haven’t giggled with, food I haven’t tried.

I expressed a desire to a friend the other day that I would like one day travel to places and hang out with chimpanzees, swim with dolphins, hang out in treehouses above a foreign canopy of trees, coast down a river that was longer than any I had ever been on before. He asked me what was stopping me. In truth, of course the first thing I thought of was the cost. I don’t have the kind of dosh required to buy a plane ticket. Then I started thinking, there are other things than planes. Even so, I still need to come up with some money, realistically.

But let’s say the money was there. Would I go? Or would I trade the exhilaration of adventure for the peace of feeling at home and the security of knowing I’m comfortable (or would be if the damn woodstove would heat up just a little faster, having not tended my fire diligently today.)

But that seems like a bullshit argument to me.  If I really wanted to do it, nothing would stop me. Perhaps it shouldn’t.

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New start?

April 1, 2011

Spring! And the Assyrian new year! And a week until my birthday! And the 100th time I’ve posted here! And friday!

It seems a long time since I wrote anything here. Anything anywhere, really. I’ve been waiting for the lightening strike of inspiration to hit at the same time I’m next to a computer, or a pen and paper. Or, for that matter,  a typewriter. Of which I have 2, (antiques! A 1908 remington and a 192? Underwood!) but only just managed to move them from where they were stored at Janice’s to my house. It only took me all winter to do so, I can only hope that it won’t take me an entire season to help them find their happy place within the house. I’m thinking I’ll need a desk at some point. Laptops seem to function anywhere, typewriters require a little more decorum, someplace solid to suit their stoic natures. It could be argued that there are frivilous typewriters out there, I have not found this to be the case with mine. Sweet natured, patient, but reminscent of a matronly aunt who clucks at me for not writing as often as I should.

So why today? Has something monumental prompted my poetic impulse? Yes and No. If one considers time as something monumental, then perhaps it could be ascribed to have influenced my decision to sit down and ramble forth in this medium. I don’t consider time as very monumental, more incidental, but that’s just me. But most specifically, that could be the reason. It was time. Time for me to start opening up in various ways.

The notion..no, more of a realization, that it took me a whole winter to move two typewriters from a location less than 10 minutes away from me (driving, obviously. I don’t know if anyone else has considered carrying 2 antique typewriters through the snow 2 km down a logging road, but there are certainly more efficient ways. Such as 4 wheel drive, snow tires and sweet ‘yotas named Nina) has made some other things clear to me quite suddenly. Though the ideas have been filtering through my thoughts and dreams steadily, finally, in their frustration to be heard, slapping me upside the hippocampus (where short and long term memory hold sway, if I remember correctly…) and demanding that new things be embarked upon.

Too long have we (we being my brain and I, and subsequently, our body) wrapped ourselved in a cocoon of  winter hibernation. Take no notice of the snow outside the window, it is indeed spring. Pull the plastic from the windows even as you build a fire in the woodstove. We shall balance the cold with with heat. We shall dance about the house in expression of the turning of the season. The spring rain will pour down (and wash away the snow, much like that errant spider of yore) and the sun will come and do the rest. As for me, even as spring starts rolling in, the motivation to do things has certainly been falling by the wayside. Couple that with the fact that the less I do, the less I might be motivated to do, ending up with a very sluggish winter. Things got postponed, plans did not go awry, as plans are often wont to do, mostly because in order for a plan to go awry, that plan must be acted upon. There was very little acting. A lot of gesturing, a lot of  talking, a lot of drinking. Wine mostly, but other variants had their days too.

Will this initial foray incite a spring and summer filled with words and activity? It’s difficult to know for sure.  I’m hopeful. There needs to be stimulation, both of the mental and financial, but definitely of the physical. Those things I dream of doing, will I put them off another season? Do I even remember what those things are (hippocampus?? helloo?) and do I still want to do the same things?

A day for fools, this april 1. I find myself starting anew.
Things forgotten, left undone. But no lack of interest in things I can do.

And so I shall do them. As soon as I figure out what they are. It was a weak rhyme I know darlings, but it’s my first day back, I’m just warming up. It’s gonna get pretty toasty around here before too long, methinks.

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